CHOCOLATROPE

The revelation of chocolagrams (see separate dictionary entry) is that every brand, characteristic, and variety of chocolate contains an anagram of its underlying seductive intentions. But when the name of a chocolate already reveals its seductive intentions, and needs no anagramming or further probing, it is known as a chocolatrope. Thorntons, who once promoted their Continental Selection with the tagline, ‘Women finally get what they want’, revealed exactly what it was that women wanted when ‘Thorntons Continental’ was shown to contain the chocolagram: Lo! instant horn content. Yet this wasn’t enough for the once-ubiquitous Continental Selection. Sensing a gap in the market, Thorntons went a step further and launched the Eden Collection which, in their own words, was ‘the ultimate box of mouth-watering chocolates, devised especially for the art of seduction’. Dispensing with any pretence to innuendo or hidden messages in anagrams, Eden gave women, and men buying for women, chocolates called Lust, Passion, Temptation, Seduction, Desire, and Original Sin. ‘Mouth-watering’ chocolates like these are all chocolatropes.

Not that Thorntons were alone in this more overt approach. In New York State, truffles from Lagusta’s Luscious were made to represent strong women everywhere – ‘beautiful, complex, sophisticated, and slightly hilarious’. One of their best sellers was the Harlot Box, so-called because the four pomegranate and four melon truffles it contained were ‘all tart’. At the time of writing, Lagusta’s Luscious have a line of ‘softly peppery and sweetly salty’ dark chocolates called Furious Vulvas. And, until recently, one of Rococo’s most popular chocolates was their Venus Nipple, a naughty-but-nice coffee truffle enrobed in white chocolate. 

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Sadly for the dedicated seducers of the world, Thornton’s Eden Collection was discontinued in 2010, though not before leaving a choice selection of thong-themed chocolagrams for those who needed them:

Thornton’s Eden Range = 

thong ensnared tenor

ends not near thong!

on / near ten red thongs.

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CHOCOLETHICS

Chocolethics are the ethical principles applied to the production and distribution of chocolate. It starts with a fair price being paid to the cocoa farmers, and continues with favourable investment and sustainability policies to ensure their operations can grow; there is a role for women in the business; the farmer’s children can be properly educated; and the environment can be protected for the future. Chocolethics often involves buyers working closely with cocoa farmers to ensure the best quality of beans are produced, and guaranteeing the purchase of agreed quantities of stock.

People engaged in chocolethics tend to be passionate about chocolate and are keen to redress the decades-old imbalance whereby cocoa farmers were, and in many cases still are, paid a pittance for their crops whilst the really big profits are being made by the large manufacturers and retailers. A key principle of chocolethics is that everyone in the supply chain deserves to get a fair price.

Companies such as The Divine Chocolate Company are commendable for being 25% owned by the farmers who supply them. Hotel Chocolat, founded in 2003, work with farmers in the Caribbean, South America, and West Africa, in a way that adheres to the principles of their Engaged Ethics programme, and their Cacao Sustainability Charter, which cover relationships with the growers, the setting of fair profits, the development of communities, and protecting biodiversity. Hotel Chocolat’s success – they are now a £100 million company – proves that good chocolate does not have to come at the expense of fair business practices.

Shocked to discover that child and slave labour were still being used in the West African supply chain, Dutch journalist Teun van de Keukenin founded Tony’s Chocolonely in 2005. The beans used to make Tony’s chocolate are all traceable and purchased directly from their partner cooperatives in Ghana and the Ivory Coast. A higher price than the market value is paid for the beans to ensure the farms are both economically viable and further investment can be made for growth.

Willie Harcourt-Cooze negotiating directly with one of his cocoa growers. (image from Willie’s Cacao website)

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One of the most successful bean-to-bar ethical producers of recent years is Willie’s Cacao. Founded by Willie Harcourt-Cooze in 2002, the company buys its beans directly from the farms, or estates, where the cacao is grown, then ships them to their own production facilities in the UK where every stage of the chocolate-making process is carried out under careful, dedicated supervision, before the finished product is sold to retail outlets. The price per bar may be a lot higher than the chocolate from mass-produced, highly sweetened brands, but companies like Willie’s Cacao represent the future: the quality of their chocolate is far better, for a start, and the raw materials are bought at a price that ensures the farms are economically viable.

CHOCOLETE

An aesthete of chocolates. A person for whom it is not enough just to buy good chocolates, one must also know how to appreciate them. For a chocolete, a good eater makes a good chocolate even better.

CHOCASTROLOGY

Chocastrology is the interpretation of how a person’s Sun sign influences their chocolate preferences.

• Ariens are said to be consumers rather than savers. They like to eat all their chocolates in one go.
• Taureans generally adore chocolate in any form and have a strong aesthetic streak.  Ideally, they like their chocolates to come in pastel-coloured boxes tied with a pretty ribbon.
• Geminis tend to be very discriminating. They like to nibble a bit of their chocolate before making a choice. If they don’t like it, they put it straight back in the box.
• Cancerians prefer eking out their chocolates over a long time. They can make even the smallest box last a whole week.
• Leos like to have first pick. Sometimes insist on it!
• Virgos are seen to transform their chocolate truffles into a fine dining experience. They will still down at a table and eat the ganaches, pralines, etc. off a plate with a knife and fork.
• Librans, with their tendency for balance, often buy two boxes of chocolates, one milk and one dark, then eat an equal amount of each.
• Scorpios, born under what many consider to be the most sensual sign, are partial to eating or licking chocolates off their lover’s body. They like to keep chocolate for themselves and hide it so no-one else can find it.
• Sagittarians prefer to eat chocolate with a high cocoa content. The darker the better.
• Capricorns tend to be perfectionists, so they seek out the most finely crafted ganaches and truffles they can find.
• Aquarians tend to like exotic and unusual flavour combinations – geranium truffles or wasabi ganaches, for example, would suit them to the ground.
• Pisceans like to share their chocolates with all and sundry, often forgetting to keep some for themselves.

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CHOCOLATE MAGNET

Not so much a magnet made out of chocolate – though that would be nice enough – but a fridge magnet with a saying of witty chocolate lore printed on it. Chocolate magnets are constant reminders, if ever one needed reminding, of the important role chocolate plays in life. Chocolate can be a mood-enhancer, an energy booster, an emotional prop, a romantic inducement, or all four at once. Without chocolate to help us navigate through our dreams and hopes, our goals and successes, our failures and disappointments, life would be so much more difficult. Examples of chocolate magnets include:

• If there’s no chocolate in heaven I’m not going there.
• Forget love – I’d rather fall in chocolate!
• I could give up chocolate but I’m not a quitter.
• Coffee, chocolate, men… some things are just better rich.
• Forget chicken soup, my soul needs chocolate.
• Save the earth, it’s the only one with chocolate.
• Friends are like fancy chocolates…  it’s what’s inside that’s special.
• A well balanced diet is a chocolate bar in each hand.
• Seven days without chocolate makes one weak.

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CHOCOLOGUE

A   chocologue is a chocolate coincidence, a chocolate event mirrored in art or literature. In the 1980s an art historian had occasion to visit one of her favourite English stately homes. Recounting the event many years later  she described how  her gaze panned across the Grand Hall  from a balustrade of verde antico marble, to a painting of Euterpe, Muse of music and pleasure. As her attention lingered on the eighteenth century allegory depicted before her, she suddenly realised that the Muse was holding a double flute with the same “affectionate solicitude” with which she herself was holding a box of chocolates.

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Painting of Euterpe, Muse of music and pleasure.

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CHOCOMIST

A chocomist is a teacher, philosopher, or priest, happy to promote the redemptive power of chocolates. In May 2012, vicar Phil Ritchie of All Saints  Church  in  Hove,  told  his  flock  the  best  way  to  spend Easter Sunday was to give church a miss and “stay in bed, have sex and eat chocolate”. There are many facets to Easter,  Father  Ritchie  insisted,  and  eating  chocolate  in  bed  after having sex was just a brilliant way to celebrate the resurrection.

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D’ARCY’S LAW OF CHOCOLATE CONSUMPTION

This law is a variation of Parkinson’s Law and states that, “Appetite always increases to meet the quantity of  chocolates  available.  Thus,  no  matter  how  many  chocolates  are  left  in  a  box,  they will inevitably be consumed within a shorter time than expected”.

CHOCOTECTIC

To be chocotectic is to like or fantasise about being covered in chocolate. Some chocotectics like to wallow in the sensation of chocolate against the skin which, together with the heady aroma of chocolate filling their nostrils, leads to feeling of being at one with the food they love.

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Others head for spas offering two-hour cocoa wrap treatments, as well as chocolate manicures and pedicures. Designed to stimulate endorphins in the body, to detoxify the skin (cocoa is high in anti-oxidants), and to exploit the moisturising effects of cocoa butter, these treatments are becoming increasingly popular with those who want to be immersed in chocolate but without the mess. Not all chocotectics want to be covered in chocolate head to toe: many like the sensation of just being drizzled with it  – either as a prelude to more sensual activity (there’s always someone willing to lick it off!), or to make an artistic statement about the complex, flowing brown beauty of melted chocolate

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THE CHOCOLATE BOX EXPRESSION

In a study published in the 1980s, sociologist Marjorie Ferguson identified four types of facial expression in the models on the covers of women’s magazines. On a scale of increasing emotion and animation, number one is the “Chocolate Box” expression, described as a half or full smile, with the lips together or slightly parted, and the face full or three-quarters to camera. The projected mood is one of softness, where the uniformity of features is more important than any quirks or individuality. In other words, an expression aiming for the smoothness of milk chocolate.

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The soft “Chocolate Box” expression.