THE CHOCOLATE PERCENTILE

by The Chocolate Dictionary

The percentage of women who, according to surveys carried out by the confectionery industry and media organizations, say they’d rather have chocolate than sex. The percentile varies greatly from country to country, indicating it’s not just the quality of chocolate but cultural influences that are at work. The lowest percentile comes from Ireland, where a 2010 survey found 20% of women would rather have chocolate than sex. A 2012 GratisPoint survey in France, where some of the best chocolate in world is made, found it was as high as 49%, and a 2007 poll by Cadbury in England found it was only marginally higher at 52%. In America, a survey by the Chocolate Manufacturers Association came in with a massive 70%, later bumped up to an even more impressive 73% by a 2011 “tracking survey” by Saatchi Wellness in New York. Consumers can draw their own conclusions, particularly as few, if any, of the polls asked what kind of sex women were or were not having, or what kind of chocolate they preferred. At least it’s clear Irish women have lost little of their romance and passion…

A woman engaged in the chocolate percentile.

As to the reason why so many women should prefer chocolate to sex, the explanations are as numerous as the surveys themselves. However, two theories stand out as possibly worthy of interest.

One, according to Cadbury’s own research, is that for many women chocolate provides “guaranteed pleasure, it never disappoints”. A belief Cadbury put to good use in the tagline for their Spanish ads in 2010: “A man is never going to be like a whole bar of Cadbury’s”. It’s not just the endorphins that make chocolate so enjoyable, Cadbury claim, but because it melts in the mouth at body temperature, chocolate’s creamy texture and unique aroma hit all of the body’s senses, heightening the sensuality of the experience.

Another theory concerns the propaganda value of those lists circulated on the internet, especially around Valentine’s Day, which emphasize the positive aspects of chocolate indulgence, in contrast to the less conducive aspects of sex (sex with men, that is – the implication is not disputed):

Twenty-Five Reasons Why Chocolate is Better than Sex

  • Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
  • You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
  • You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
  • If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won’t mind.
  • Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
  • The word ‘commitment’ doesn’t scare off chocolate.
  • You can have chocolate at work without upsetting your colleagues.
  • You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
  • With chocolate there’s no need to fake it.
  • Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant.
  • You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
  • You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
  • You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
  • When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbours awake.
  • With chocolate size doesn’t matter.
  • Chocolate is easy to get hold of.
  • “If you love me you’ll swallow that” has real meaning with chocolate.
  • You don’t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
  • You can have chocolate safely even when you are driving.
  • You can fondle chocolate in a supermarket.
  • Chocolate will never be rude to you.
  • Chocolate is never jealous of your friends.
  • A chocolate will never make a scene.
  • A chocolate never complains about how much money you earn.

There is never a need to apologise with chocolates…